Questions of Identity: Are You a Holy Cross Hipster?
Published: Friday, February 22, 2013
Updated: Sunday, February 24, 2013 16:02
There comes a time in every Holy Cross student’s college career when he or she begins to question his or her identity. An innocent literature requirement can open a Holy Cross student’s eyes to the wonders of Eliot’s justified pretention. And what was once a simple journal is now a shrine to every literary opus and dream he or she has conceived. The student’s fading youth has created a number of intense opinions that simply must be voiced. And one morning an ironic tattoo or piercing appeared.
If any of this sounds familiar, you should ask yourself “Am I a Holy Cross Hipster?”
Don’t be offended, my flannel-wearing friend. Don’t leave quite yet. Because, you see, Holy Cross Hipsters aren’t quite like the ones you mock all over the Internet. Don’t exclude yourself if you come from a thoroughly conservative county, one that condemns anything remotely ‘crunchy’ or counter-culture. Also, wearing and worshiping J. Crew, Vineyard Vines, and similar brands is simply a requirement to attend Holy Cross. This cannot discount you from your true identity. And finally, before you decide this checklist is not for you, silent pretention is still pretention. Don’t tell me you haven’t judged that girl in the Cool Beans line for putting raspberry flavor into her latte or the guy who mutilated his coffee by subjecting it to the torture of ice, even if you didn’t say anything.
1. Do you wear nerd glasses? These thick-framed rims are a requirement for any respectable hipster. Even better if you actually have bad vision. This creates a type of meta-irony that only a hipster can appreciate and harp upon.
2. Do you have pretentious literary taste? Have you ever found yourself scoffing at the
bookstore patron in the romance section, weighing her options between two Nicholas Sparks novels? Better yet, did you make a beeline to the poetry section and stock up on your favorite beatnik after said judgment was passed? Great names for this taste are Kerouac, Ginsberg, Hemingway, Nabokov, or anything obscure.
3. Do you insist on referring to certain movies as ‘films’? After seeing Doctor Zhivago,
The Graduate, or The Bicycle Thief did you insist upon telling your friends about the “transformative film” you saw? Better even to correct your philistine friends on their misstep in referring to The Artist as a movie, not a film.
4. Are you a coffee snob? Do you think: Americanos are not equal to espressos. Keurigs are poor substitutes for coffee machines. A well-made cappuccino is rivaled by next to nothing. Ice is only used when necessary, and then only after the month of March has passed. All these statements are canon law if you are a Holy Cross Hipster.
5. Is your Twitter a constant stream of irony and cynicism? To you, Twitter is not a stream of happenings and events. To write “Yum! Kimball brunch was delish!” is a waste of space. Your tweets are only the most cutting and humorous remarks on your life and society around you. Not mention each is a polished gem of which you are remarkably proud.
6. Do you have a Tumblr? This fact alone may be the nail in your flannel-lined coffin. Extra points if that Tumblr consists of literary, artistic masterpieces, or black and white titleless photos you admire. Even more points if your original works or photos make an appearance.
7. Do you deny your hipsterdom when confronted? Everyone knows the hipster code: Never admit to being a hipster. In doing so, one is no longer a hipster and therefore must revoke his or her right to say “I knew about that before it was cool” or to drinking PBR.
If you said yes to more than one of these, then you may very well be a Holy Cross Hipster. But don’t get too down on yourself, because what are labels anyway, man? Just a way for the system to keep you down.