The Art of Looking Like you Dont Give a Sh*t...
Published: Friday, September 27, 2013
Updated: Friday, October 4, 2013 12:10
Looking like you give a sh*t is at the heart of all relationship mishaps. Be it relationships with your closet, relationships with your on again off again Saturday night booty call, or even relationships with your 12 page paper worth 15% of your grade. Your closet, your dreamboat crush, and your untouched homework assignment all know when you’re giving too much of a sh*t.
When you wake up in the morning stressing over what to wear, your closet smells your underarm post shower stress sweat, and intentionally highlights horrible outfit choices. On a late Saturday evening, after uncontrollably and unconsciously triple texting your dream boyfriend, he becomes well aware of your availability and decides to find shelter elsewhere. And your paper, which quietly lay open on your desktop with only your name, date, heading and page number, knows that you have an impossible deadline and every time you try to find a synonym for the word ‘furthermore,’ ‘moreover’ pops up, which you already plan to use twice in your thesis.
Giving a sh*t is clearly not good. Giving a sh*t means you’re stressed too often, care too much, and cry once a week over something as minimal as a six-car backup at the drive through window of Starbucks. However, naturally, being students at Holy Cross, we all inherently and at times unforgivingly give a sh*t. Don’t try to hide it. You all had S.A.T tutors, college counselors, and emailed an uncanny amount of people to get into Holy Cross, all because you cared. You genuinely wanted to go to the school and as a result of your efforts; you are seated in cool beans reading this article in The Crusader.
In a world filled with Catfish girlfriends (insert Manti Te’o joke here), false eyelashes, and white-collar criminals like Bernie Madolf, deception often leads to great inceptions. So, derived through the wise words of Aristotle, who clearly made it, “you’ve got to fake it until you make it.” Please proceed reading to find out exactly how to fake it appropriately.
Lets begin with your closet. Your closet appears to be friendly. Your shirts are nicely hung and your pants are folded on shelves, but its all a ponzi scam. Your closet is encouraging you to try hard. It wants you to pair sweaters with oxfords and kakis, dresses with vests and scarves, and Jeans with oversized blouses and high-waisted belts. But you must fight the urge to match adamantly. For the key to successful dressing is looking like you weren’t trying. Your daily outfit should say, “hey I woke up late for class and just tossed this ensemble together, isn’t it chic?!” When in reality, you stood in front of your dysmorphic mirror (due to the poor hang job your Dad did back in August) for an hour contemplating the right shoe to go with your already twice-worn leggings. But nobody has to know that. All they have to know is what they see. The endless human struggle is to look effortless. For after an all-nighter in Dinand and a snoring roommate’s boyfriend or even girlfriend, everyone needs a little effort.
Lets move onto the sad but true topic that is ‘college relationships.’ To like someone is to care about someone. To care is to give a sh*t. Relationships in general mess with the ebb and flow of not giving a sh*t, however, in order to maintain the cool composed exterior of a male or female who apparently doesn’t give a sh*t, you must first RELAX. Texting will be the be all end all of human relationships. STOP waiting seventeen odd minutes to respond to your texting counterpart, do not be afraid of the DOUBLE TEXT and most importantly, do not STALK. Period. Waiting to respond to messages out of fear of being too aggressive is in fact giving a sh*t. Turning and running in the opposite direction of a weekend mistake is giving a sh*t. Take control of your innate attentiveness and embrace all awkwardness that is ‘college relationships.’
And lastly, in regards to homework assignments, a lesson even I need to learn, DO LESS. To any professor or collegiate advisor reading this, do not freak out. In no way, shape, or form do I mean do not complete assignments or go to class out of fear of trying to hard, because that is simply, for lack of a better word, absurd. What I’m trying to say is, don’t sweat the small stuff. There will always be another paper and another exam. Learn from your mistakes and miscalculated efforts. Maybe reading every page of a 400-page book that you do not have a paper due for is overkill. Maybe outlining every reading for every class on your computer will actually lead your computer to crash. Or maybe continuously telling students around you to be quiet in the library is a bit much. It’s time to train your brain to be less active. Take it easy every now and then.
Looking like you don’t give a sh*t is truly an art. An art only some of us are capable of mastering. This weekend, Crusaders, I challenge you to care less, do less, and maybe even be less. For the combination of your ‘lesses’ will sure to lead to a multiplicity of successes.
Until next week,
Your Fashion Fairy Godmother
Katie E. DeGennaro