To Hook or Not to Hook...Up
Published: Friday, April 19, 2013
Updated: Saturday, April 20, 2013 14:04
Imagine yourself off campus. The floorboards are creaking, there is an indeterminable black, sticky substance lining the hallways. An entire Natty Lite was just spilled all over your favorite shoes. Better yet, the room has just started to spin. The night seems to be taking a turn for the worst…but then he catches your eye. There he is in his light blue button-down, khaki shorts, and solo cup in hand. You recognize him from that class your freshman year or maybe was it that club you were in for a day? He seems to recognize you as well. He approaches you. The conservation starts light with the usual:
“Where are you from?”
“What’s your major?”
“Really, you like Mumford & Sons too? I thought I was the only one.”
Right in the middle of him describing his love for “Little Lion Man,” that annoying kid—you know who we are talking about—pushes you into him. He holds you for just a bit longer than he should as the lukewarm contents of his solo cup spill down your back. He apologizes for spilling his beer on your NorthFace, and hey it’s a new NorthFace; they are ruined after their first wash. He then poses this question:
“I am so sorry. You wanna come back to my place? I can give you a clean shirt.”
You know in your heart of hearts that he does not want to just give you a clean shirt, especially after he has been looking below your eyes all night long.
Do you stay, risking the lost opportunity of a “fun” evening? You feel like you have connected on every level. And hey, he likes Mumford & Sons too; you probably should get married.
Do you risk waking up the next morning in an unfamiliar bed filled with regret? Even when you are forced to walk back in that black peplum top and those heels that are just a little too high?
Option A: You choose to stay. Good for you! Your parents will be very proud. However, you can’t help but feel that you missed the opportunity to actually get to know someone beyond the typical Holy Cross “Hey, how was your weekend?”
You feel disconnected and somewhat lost that he is gone. Did he only want to hook up with you? Or was this something more? Since you stayed, you will never know. You could hardly recognize him outside that dimly lit room, which you admit gave you some advantage in the smeared makeup department. You go back to your dorm contemplating what could have been and what will never be.
Option B: You go back to his room, which is decorated like every other guy’s room you have ever seen. Beers are all over: the Holy Cross Flag and Mila Kunis all greet you. He is patriotic so he wins some points and your book. And who doesn’t think Mila Kunis is hot? No. One. One thing leads to another, and before you can have much say in the matter you awake the next morning with a pounding headache and the sun revealing how truly grimy his room is. You turn and look next to you and all you can think is “who is this stranger ?” You collect your possessions as quickly as possible. Your phone has about 5 texts from your roommate and a call from home. He protests as you begin to open the door to leave, insisting that he needs your number and that you should borrow his sweatshirt on your walk back to your dorm. You give into both requests hopefully that maybe you two will meet up in Cool Beans sometime. You walk out, you close the door on him sleeping. That’s it.
Neither option is perfect... In fact both are seriously flawed. You want to fit in, you want to be wanted, but you also want to maintain a cool dignity. And this is the problem that poses not only every Holy Cross woman, but also every Holy Cross man. We are all pressured to embrace this time of youth, freedom, and independence. We have too many people to meet and experience before we are “ready” to make something Facebook official. However, don’t we all want to feel worthy of someone else’s time and intimacy, whether it be a friendly conversation or someone to stay in with you that one Friday night you just need to catch up on the new season of Game of Thrones. There is nothing wrong in trying to discover what it means to have a romantic relationship, or to discover who you are, or who you are to the rest of the world. But know there is a trade off to every choice you make. You don’t know what these relationships will come of and what they will make you become. To accept every opportunity will leave you hurt and jaded, but to refuse every friendly smile across the room at a party will deny you the chance to form experiences. Holy Cross, know that your decisions are valid and know that these decisions form your only four years on Mount Saint James.