Your ‘To Do’ List
Published: Sunday, September 22, 2013
Updated: Sunday, September 22, 2013 16:09
Hi, I’m back. For half of the school that means nothing, so I guess just…hi. I have loads of topics to cover in the coming issues (probably), but for now, I just want to take the time to dictate to you all what you should be doing in your spare time. Or what you should be doing in your un-spared time:
Read: Nicole Krauss’ The History of Love. When you talk to someone whose read it, it’s like they know something about the universe that you don’t. Hopefully, I give off that impression when people ask me if I’ve read it. Anyway, it’s a quick read and not to be missed.
Go: To Wal-Mart. Even if you don’t have to. My last two visits to Wal-Mart have been splendid—both times, a man’s voice echoed throughout the store (‘store’ doesn’t seem accurate…entrepôt?), sounding like he had listened to too many recordings of the trailer voice repeating, “In A World…”. Either he was reading off of a script, or he was just seriously relishing in the idea that he could cause chaos in the entrepôt. His delivery was so fragmented, I felt like he was using the gaps of silence to plan out what he actually wanted to say to us all. After I moved past my irritation of his drawn out recitation, I processed that he had said that Wal-Martians were giving out free silverware to all “adult Wal-Mart customers.” I didn’t participate because I wasn't sure what their definition of the word “adult” was. Plus, a mob was already forming around the giveaway table, and all I could picture was a free, brand spankin’ new knife slipping from the hands of one of the adult shoppers and Mr. Voiceover getting exactly what he wanted all along. Anyway, it was still a really surreal experience. You should go sometime soon.
Watch: Withnail and I. It’s just so funny. And so good. I’m sorry to overwhelm you with such lavish adjectives. It’s a 1987 black comedy film…said Wikipedia.
Eat: My guacamole: Avocados, diced red onion, lemon juice, cumin, garlic salt, not-garlic salt, and tomatoes (if you’re feeling sassy). And no cilantro because I don't like cilantro. Throw one of the avocado pits in the mix to keep the guac’s freshness. That’s probably not true but it sounds like it should be.
Wear: Socks. Any kind. They’ll keep you warm.