The Eggplant: The Crusader’s Satirical Page
Mayhem Sweeps Nation After Finale of ‘Breaking Bad’
SPOILER ALERT! If you do not want to know how the series finale of Breaking Bad ends, put down this article immediately. As perhaps the greatest show in television history bade farewell for good this past Sunday night, cities across the nation erupted into panic and flames.
Next Spring Concert Leaked: Campus ‘Somewhat’ Excited
DINAND--Citing how miserably awful last year’s concert was, and with nowhere to go but up, the new Holy Cross Student Union (which only recently ousted the Holy Cross General Assembly in a murderous bloodbath) announced yesterday its preliminary plans to have Michael Jackson perform at the up-and-coming Spring Concert.
New Trend Makes Life on ‘Easy Street’ a Little Less Easy
The scene on the third floor of Mulledy last weekend was a perfect illustration of a disturbing trend that has taken hold of the campus in recent weeks. Hordes of over-age seniors have begun drunkenly stumbling back on campus after taking part in absurdly irresponsible pre-games in their off-campus residences.
Holy Cross Named Princeton Review’s Most Apathetic
After studies conducted by several high level statistics classes in the math department, up from fourth most apathetic school in the country to number one. While the professors and students involved in the study were incredibly pleased, most other students reported that they really didn’t care.
Off-Campus Student Does all Grocery Shopping at Gas Station by Wendy’s
SHELL--Lacking a car and with no friends to drive him, local senior Thomas Paine has done the entirety of his biweekly grocery-related errands at the gas station on Southbridge Street: the one neighboring the Scrubadub Carwash. During a brief discussion on the weird bridge leading to Stein with those who share occupancy with Paine, it was confirmed that all of the milk, toothpaste, frozen waffles, and Wonderbread in Paine’s kitchen all trace their origins to that of the fueling station across the street from Wendy’s.
Too Top Heavy
School officials report that a Holy Cross junior is in good condition after suffering a violent tumble this past Friday just outside the Hart Center. Witnesses say the student, who requested to remain anonymous, was exiting the Hart Center around 3:19pm ET when a stiff gust of wind toppled him to the ground.1 comment
Holy Cross Students Targeted in Stop-And-Frisk
Nearly seven out of ten people “stopped and frisked” under a new controversial Worcester Police Department policy were College of the Holy Cross students. Of 817 stops made by police in the southern district of Worcester in 2012, 72% of those questioned were were wearing some article of Vineyard Vines clothing, 45% were wearing Sperrys as footwear and 14% were wearing bright colored shorts.
Off Campus Student Writes-Up RA
CARO STREET: It was the moment senior, Grady Anderson, had been waiting for. After barely being accepted to live off campus due to a few junior year “transgressions” he was finally able to get the revenge he had sought out for the past year. He was able to write-up his old RA and denounce the authority he wanted and felt he deserved.