After Numerous Female Partners, Loyola Gym Decides: It’s Time to Settle Down
Published: Friday, February 15, 2013
Updated: Sunday, February 17, 2013 17:02
It’s no secret that the ladies love Loyola Gym, but the all that attention might not be as great as it sounds.
After servicing countless girls with its ellipticals, treadmills, and exercise balls, the Gym has decided to choose someone special and end its storied career as the favorite workout spot of Holy Cross women.
“At this point I just feel used,” complains Loyola Gym.
“I mean most of these girls show up for 20 minutes of cardio and 10 minutes of abs and then immediately leave.” The Gym also adds that the women it entertains almost never text back.
“I just feel like all the girls care about is how my equipment makes their bodies feel,” says the Gym. “Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a good run, but I’m ready to be with someone who’s not just going to show up on a Thursday afternoon when she needs to preemptively burn off Salty Dog beers.”
Loyola Gym says it plans to begin its search for a serious partner when the weather warms up and its patrons go back to running outside where everyone can see how in shape they are.