Calls for more ‘Transparency’ in the White House Echo through the Halls of Fenwick
Published: Sunday, February 24, 2013
Updated: Sunday, February 24, 2013 16:02
After a weekend of what was sure to be some of the greatest quality golf ever played, President Obama returned to the White House ready to tackle what he felt were the important issues facing our nation today. But the Commander in Chief was greeted with nothing short of outrage from the majority of White House correspondents, who had been maliciously and unjustly denied access to the most important story of this week, perhaps even this decade. How exactly did the President’s golf outing go?
Obama spent the weekend at an exclusive country club in Florida getting some great advice on his backswing, and perhaps even the dating game, from world renowned golfer Tiger Woods. These were all the details that the professional and award winning Washington reporters received, however, and these bulwarks of journalistic integrity were out-scooped by a guy who writes for Golf Digest. Needless to say, they were not pleased: “Speaking on behalf of the White House Correspondents Association, I can say a broad cross section of our members from print, radio, online and TV have today expressed extreme frustration to me about having absolutely no access to the president of the United States this entire weekend," said WHCA President Ed Henry, a Fox News correspondent. "There is a very simple but important principle we will continue to fight for today and in the days ahead: transparency."
Yes, transparency. How DARE the President of the free world deny these avid reporters the story that they so crave? Who made it his right to take a private weekend to himself and play some golf without allowing 50 reporters to document his every move? He could have been making groundbreaking policy decisions with Tiger, a noted political activist and just all-around a guy who you would definitely want to trust with important decisions, between the 6th green and his tee shot on the 7th hole and no one would know about it. Damn the release of documents pertaining to targeted drone assassinations or even decisions about North Korea and its expanding nuclear program THE AMERICAN PEOPLE HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW WHAT THE PRESIDENT’S HANDICAP IS!
With all of this talk about “transparency” at the highest level of our government it has become a red hot topic on college campuses, especially here at Holy Cross: “I think it’s very important that the people are informed about all of the issues our leader is deciding on,” commented political science major Ryan McConville. “How can we make a good decision as the voting public without having all of the details? That’s why I think that Father Burroughs should be giving us full access to his entire personal life.”
“...I don’t even know how he feels about the new Die Hard movie...I think he would be a fan...BUT WE JUST DON’T KNOW DO WE?!”
Yes our fearless leader here on campus has kept a surprisingly low profile in his first two years here on the Hill, and many think that that is just so wrong: “I mean I don’t know this guy at all!” screamed resident nut-job Joseph Randolph-Hearst as globs of spittle flew from his mouth and covered my brand new Abercrombie cardigan, “Father Burroughs is making all of these decisions that affect my life in a huge way and I don’t even know how he feels about the newest Die Hard movie…I think he would be a fan…BUT WE JUST DON’T KNOW DO WE?!”
Yes it was very clear now to all of the students that when it came to transparency from the Office of the President there was, just like the windows on the side of O’ Kane, absolutely none. All of the students who were filled with righteous indignation were quickly rounded up, and then subsequently disbanded by Public Safety because there were too many people in one room. When asked to comment on why they didn’t fight harder for such a valiant cause, one member of the group responded: “Hey, I’m trying to live off-campus next year, man. I don’t need this on my record.”
So why does Father Burroughs keep so much to himself instead of sharing things with the public, who have every right to know? What is he hiding from us? Is he more of a dog man, or is he partial to cats? What is his favorite Phil Collins song? Is he Team Edward or Team Jacob? If he had to choose between French Vanilla and Vanilla Bean, would he even care? These are all things that we, as members of the press have a right to be told so that we can inform you our gracious reader. And the fact that we don’t know any of these answers has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that we haven’t even asked, so don’t even think about that. Transparency.