Holy Cross Named Princeton Review’s Most Apathetic
Published: Friday, September 27, 2013
Updated: Friday, October 4, 2013 12:10
After studies conducted by several high level statistics classes in the math department, up from fourth most apathetic school in the country to number one.
While the professors and students involved in the study were incredibly pleased, most other students reported that they really didn’t care.
Surveys had been conducted on the behalf of the department to support their case and the results were somewhat shocking. Fifty percent of the student body had not left campus a single time other than going to Wal Mart or a bar, polled had never been to a var- sity sporting event during their time on campus, and a staggering 70% of students had never been to a foot- ball game where they stayed till speculated to be members of the team.
A confusing seven percent of students did not know Holy Cross was a Catholic school, and sixty-seven percent of students polled said that they would rather chop off their
left hand than take part in an extra-curricular event that they couldn’t put on their resume.
“Kids don’t care about anything at this school. The pride compared to other schools actually parallels quite well to the athletic funding,” said head Statistics Professor Sarah Desidia. “You would have a better chance of getting most students to cause themselves bodily harm than support their fellow students. Few schools in the country can make such an impressive claim.”
One student we asked was not surprised in the slightest, “Yeah, I mean I asked the kids in my hall if they wanted to go
to the soccer game and they laughed at the thought of getting all the way to the top of the Hart Center.
I couldn’t even imagine what they’d say if I asked if they wanted to go to a play or a track meet.
I think they’d chase me with torches and pitchforks. Kids are here to get a job after college and get wasted while they’re here and that’s pretty much it.”
It doesn’t appear that the student body was always this apathetic, as some alumni interviewed actually remember going to school events and, being proud that they went to Holy Cross, but it seems that something must have changed from that era and the present day. While the school contin- ues to be one of the most charitable schools in its community in the country, other than that it appears that most ‘Saders couldn’t care less.
Though one thing is for sure, somewhere in America Mac Miller is confusedly reading this study wondering if apathetic is a synonym for hostile.