Mayhem Sweeps Nation After Finale of ‘Breaking Bad’
Published: Friday, October 4, 2013
Updated: Sunday, October 6, 2013 22:10
SPOILER ALERT! If you do not want to know how the series finale of Breaking Bad ends, put down this article immediately.
As perhaps the greatest show in television history bade farewell for good this past Sunday night, cities across the nation erupted into panic and flames. Just minutes after the series finale of AMC’s epic Breaking Bad concluded, people took to the streets in a hurricane of emotions. Eyewitnesses in multiple cities say people were visibly distraught, many in tears, trembling and short of breath. Some appeared to be suffering severe mental breakdowns, crumpling to their knees as though someone had just informed them a family member had passed away. However, tears soon turned to rage and chaos exploded like a poorly kept meth lab.
Televisions cascaded out of living room windows from New York to Los Angeles as cars were set aflame, store windows shattered, businesses looted, and general mayhem reigned long into the night. There were widespread reports of impassioned fans manically roaming the streets wearing black pork pie hats and dark sunglasses, screaming, “Say my name!” Riots abruptly stopped in Vancouver when residents realized their hockey team had yet to begin their season and a TV show was not worth the destruction. Unfortunately, this was not the case across America as portions of cities again burned due to a TV show on a night eerily reminiscent to the infamous “Sopranos Riots” of 2007. Riot squads fired tear gas into the rabid mobs delinquent revelers, who slowly dispersed throughout the early AM hours of Monday. As the sun rose upon day 1 ABB (After Breaking Bad), large sections of cities lay in crippled disrepair. Shattered glass littered the streets like crystal meth as smoke billowed above smoldering buildings, except in Detroit, where fires continued burning long into the week.
But why all the rage? Experts in the field of “TVIR,” or, “Television Induced Rage,” have mixed explanations. Some claim that for many viewers, Breaking Bad had become the equivalent of a highly addictive drug, specifically blue crystal meth. People relied upon the show for their weekly “fix.” Reruns and Netflix were generally enough to get through the harsh times between seasons, but now, without the knowledge of an upcoming season of Breaking Bad, experts are concerned that a large portion of the population will sink into delirious, unpredictable withdrawal.
FULL ARTICLE CAN BE FOUND AT theeggplanthc.blogspot.com
ALONG WITH LOTS OF OTHER EGGTASTIC STUFF! CHECK IT OUT! SERIOUSLY! I’LL STOP USING ALL CAPS IF YOU DO!