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Resident Assistant in Upperclassman Dorm Still Takes Her Position Very Seriously

Friends Call Him Anony For Short

Published: Friday, February 28, 2014

Updated: Friday, February 28, 2014 12:02

 

 

    A resident assistant in an upperclassman hall this weekend reported to The Eggplant that she still takes her position very very seriously.  We caught up with her early Friday Night at about nine o’clock when she was making her first rounds for the evening.  “Oftentimes upperclassmen pregame on campus and make their way off campus, which gives me a limited timeframe to ‘prevent any issues’ in my dorm, so I really like to get out there as soon as I can to ‘ensure everyone’s safety.’” She commented, “This also sets a precedent for the evening, so if anything is going on late at night, I can blankly tell a group of students ‘I already gave them a warning’ when they’re playing FIFA with the door open at 2:30.  While I’m more than aware that a good number of my residents are of legal drinking age and more importantly don’t need me to babysit them, I would hate to see the anarchy that would erupt without my presence.”

   We stayed with the RA during her first prowl of the dorm and witnessed her first knocking on a door at 9:17.  The students in question were playing Timber on their iHome and could only be heard when directly outside of the room, due to the song’s infectious sing-along nature.  Luckily for them, all nine students in the room happened to live there so nobody had to leave.  “After an initial knocking, I like to hang outside a room for ten to thirty minutes to see if the volume goes back up from a whisper to casual conversation.  If so, I usually just say that I could hear them two floors away, and that they SERIOUSLY need to keep it down.”

   As expected the scene remained quiet from 10 p.m. until 12:30  a.m. when students began to roll back into the dorm.  “Yeah nothing was really going on tonight, we went to some off-campus house but the cops came, so we went to another house and the cops came there, and on our way to the third house the cops pulled over and asked if we wanted a ride because they were headed there too so we decided just to head back to our room for the night,” said a hall resident who prefers to go by the mononym of ‘T Mac’, “We’ll probably just head back to our room and play NHL or Mario Kart or something.”

   However our resident assistant cleverly thwarted the boys’ plans.  “Late at night, if I can hear anything from a room, I will usually just tell the residents that we’ve been getting noise complaints about them all night and that they need to stop causing a ruckus or I’ll call public safety.  Those threats will usually clear a room out pretty quickly.”  The room in question was quick to reply to the claim of noise complaints with “But we just got back,” but the RA snapped right back with the cunning, “That’s what everyone says.”  “That may be my favorite tool in the arsenal,” said the RA in question, “Despite my knowledge that the Hall has been cleared completely for several hours, I have every right to accuse my residents of lying if need be, and boy do I take advantage.” Again, luckily for the residents, all eleven students in the room either lived there or were “buddies visiting from home” so nobody had to be kicked out, however, the TV was immediately set to low volume and two full and one half-full Bud Light Platinums were confiscated.  

   Thankfully, our RA was here to manage this transgression.  Imagine what horrors which may have occured if she hadn’t taken her job so seriously.  The Eggplant found out that this Resident Assistant herself drinks, and was reportedly, “Like super pissed” to not be admitted to a social gathering the boys were at.

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