A Bittersweet Exit

Being a Jesuit clergy abuse victim myself, I understand what Kate is experiencing.
I was going to be a nun, and a Jesuit Fr. robot McAuley of University Heights, Ohio, abused me and disassociated my mind so horrifically, as he pushed &pushed & forced & forced my body and mind beyond the human limit. I was comatose bodily and in shock for more than 13 years. Within that time, though it's unimaginable how a "religious" organization could possibly continue destroying, with selfishness/pride/arrogance/hatred/violence/retaliations, the very life of someone they have caused devastating permanent harm to .,,,the Jesuits & the Roman Catholic Church & other power-hungry retaliators against justice,,,all continued to RETALIATE USING THE NATIONAL AND INTERNATIONAL SYSTEMATIC STRUCTURES WORLDWIDE.

There was a live broadcast last month on television, where a Catholic woman stated """"One thing is for sure, the Roman Catholic Church MAKES SURE their victims are NEVER EVER ABLE TO WORK OR EVER GET A JOB AGAIN once the church's victim has told the truth in regard to the Catholic clergy abuse he/she suffered at the hands of the Roman Catholic Church.

The crimes the Jesuits have caused against humanity are unforgivable and unforsakable! The tormenting, the humiliations, the corruption, the hate crimes, the violence, the total destruction of human livelihood ,,,is thrown full force at Jesuit and Roman Catholic victims , beyond measure.

I never knew evil until a Jesuit introduced the deadly powers of hate and hell to me, beginning with the day of their initial clergy abuse crime,,,and then as they continued their crimes against humanity ever since.

I wish every born infant had the opportunity and right to study the history of the Roman Catholic Church BEFORE they are brainwashed into the organization's appetite of always wanting MORE, and never being "fulfilled"", thus TAKING and DESTROYING LIFE, rather than LIVING THE BEAUTY OF LIFE IN THIS TREMENDOUS UNIVERSE AND WORLD!

Maybe if the,world, as Belgium as started to do, would treat the Roman Catholic Institution's CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY like any other criminal in society, the chirch's power to abuse , would dwindle. As long as the church can soak the minds of the vulnerable dry, by sucking society of Life, Monies, Self Preservation, Individual Rights, and the Right to Tell the Truth with Justice, there will be no hope for a healthy society.

The Roman Catholic Church ABORTS LIFE and steals every breath of spirit, humanity, livelihood, power and preciousness from the Universe by USING AND ABUSING LIFE,ON EARTH ITSELF.

Now that the world has awakened to the church's evil and it's historical and criminal nature, Life has a chance
to survive and thrive. The only thing that matters to the Vatican and its channels, is ,,,,""Money, Power, Limitless Ability to use and abuse life in a selfish greedy hoarding fashion. To me, the Roman Catholic Church is an institution of horror, power abuse, hatred, and crimes against humanity!

As,many have said, they are beyond redemption!

It's society's right to STOP THE CHURCH'S CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY, AND THE CHURCH'S BOTTOMLESS PIT FOR GREED/SUPERIORITY OVER LIFE ITSELF WITH THEIR USING AND ABUSING OF THE HUMAN BREATH, FOR NOTHING WILL SATISFY THE CATHOLIC CHURCH,,,,

Power and money just gives them riches and what they think is AUTHORITY OVER THE UNIVERSE, but in REALITY, THE ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH IS JUST A DARK DEEP HOLE,OF DEPRESSION AND UNHAPPINESS WITH ACCEPTING LIFE ITSELF.

An update.

Today is Day 35 of the Hunger Strike for Justice at Holy Cross. I will be back tomorrow after obligations somewhere else today.

I want to explain what I asked the college to do.

Because the college presidents, Boroughs and McFarland, ignored problems for years, I contacted the Holy Cross Board of Trustees about the problems which they did not address either. Then the college lawyer filed a complaint against the professional license I earned a few years after I graduated from Holy Cross. All of this occurred after the 26 day hunger strike in March/April 2012. The complaint was filed in July 2012.

I "won" on that complaint filed by the College of the Holy Cross against my professional license. It took 260 days from start to finish, but I won on the papers -- no hearing. I just explained with papers what Holy Cross keeps getting wrong.

Something that seems very important is the president's office (Fr. Boroughs) filed this complaint SIX days after he got a new lawyer. SIX days. I can't help wondering what kind of deceit was running around the offices then.

Fr. Boroughs had his new lawyer file a complaint against my license SIX days after he took the job. And I won. Without a hearing.

Remember I said 260 days?

There have been several things that got my attention on this very long road, like waiting.... two.... hundred... and ... sixty.... days for resolution.

260 days for that complaint that was dismissed.
26 days for the hunger strike last year -- that ended when the college agreed to "settlement talks".
35 days for the hunger strike so far this year.....
11 years of confidentiality breaches and lies, then more breaches and conspiracy and cover up and retaliation and lost work.

Something in my bones said Holy Cross has to address TRUST first.

A really smart Irish lawyer who lives in CT now wrote about how the church will not get past its mistakes covering up abuse until it acts with PENANCE, not just legal outcomes and "justice". She said bishops should be fired and held accountable, and there needs to be real penance.

So I thought about it a lot over a long time, and decided the Holy Cross Board of Trustees and Fr. Boroughs should raise new funds to benefit programs that serve poor people, crime victims, and perpetrators of crime.

For example, with the 260 horrible days when HC filed a complaint against me that I won, I asked the college to raise new funds (not already directed funds) to help many programs in Worcester and the city where I live. $260,000.

With the hunger strike this year and last year, I asked Holy Cross to total the number of days -- 61 so far. So about $61,000. This goes to organizations and people who have proven creative ways to solve problems, which HC should learn from. (Like the Center for Nonviolent Solutions, in Worcester.)

And 11 years of confidentiality and privacy breaches, lying about them, covering it up, conspiring with other people outside HC, and then retaliating..... 11 times 365 times 1,000. That goes mostly to the Catholic Worker movement started by Dorothy Day and Peter Maurin in NYC in the 1930's. The Catholic Worker has little overhead and generally works outside the systems. I envision setting up a Jesuit Penance Fund, because there are many millions of people who have it much worse than me.

AFTER Holy Cross addresses the penance and shows it is trustworthy again, we can figure out the rest.

If it looks like I am being hard on the Holy Cross administration, it is probably true. But as a very experienced medical person said, "if they can do it, they should do it".

I owe a young man an apology. Seriously. And it makes me uncomfortable.

I arrived at 8 a.m. and left at 9:15 a.m. because all my limbs were painful and I was losing my balance. Because this comes and goes, I thought it was good to leave and come back later when it might be better. Besides, I also like to save some energy for later anyway. I came back at 10:30 and left sometime after 11. When I was leaving, I was having trouble. And the way I look at it, I unfortunately was stumbling on the sidewalk going to my car when a Holy Cross student came out of nowhere and appeared in front of me. (I think he was just around the turn on Caro, and I wasn't paying attention to anything.) "Are you alright?", he asked with concern on his face and in his voice.

I just picked a bad time to sprain my knee, I answered and sighed. "Oh. Okay." he said.

I did not sprain my knee. This whole thing sucks. Do not ask me how I am, because I am not going to tell you the truth and I do not want to be rude or lie. Ask Fr. Boroughs why he lies. That's why I am here with my stand for justice. Fr. Boroughs and Fr. McFarland told lies, about privacy commitments, then retaliated when I complained.

I do not want to be like that, but it is hard not to lie sometimes.

Seriously, ask Michael McFarland and Philip Boroughs why they lie. Then they try to cover it up, conspire with other people (violating privacy more), and retaliate when I catch them. It just seems pointless to me, why they lied in the first place and then kept on doing it.

Rob, thanks for the words of support and for explaining things. That allegedly word just bothers me a lot, especially when the story wasn't about the abuse. I used the NYT as an example because it is the ONLY other paper I personally dealt with. (A shocking number of media places just use press releases or quote other media.) The NYT called me when it got a press release. I think I was frustrated when the Crusader story drifted from being about restarting the hunger strike to being about how the college handles hate speech. I care FAR more about hateful conduct of the president's office than about hate speech by some students. The president's office is nasty and ugly, while evangelizing about being "women and men for others".

Thanks again, Rob, for communicating with me. I actually think the writer of this story and an earlier one did a good job with lots of things to sort out.

Kate,

I update and run the site here so I often find myself reading the comments that are posted on the articles. As a student at Holy Cross, I wanted to let you know I'm sad to hear that other students have been insensitive and have given you a hard time. I applaud you for standing up against the injustice you have faced, all the more so for the dedication you have put into your peaceful protest. I believe the majority of students who drive or walk past you feel similarly, whether or not they outwardly show it.

As someone familiar with this newspaper, I wanted to mention that I don't believe the use of the word "allegedly" was meant to cast any negative dispersions on your claim. I understand your issue with the use of the word, but I wanted to address the fact that "allegedly" appearing in the newspaper probably has less to do with institutional bias and more to do with a slip or confusion in word choice - we are students, not New York Times columnists. I know the authors and editors here put significant time and effort into writing articles that try to listen to both sides of the story, thus attempting to present a neutral overview of what is going on. I hope that, despite the wording, you do not view an article such as this as casting a negative light on your mission. I cannot speak for the author or the Crusader but I'm quite positive that was not the intention. Yes, we attend Holy Cross and that is going to be reflected in parts of the paper, but I believe it is safe to say institutional bias is not a significant factor in a student-run organization such as this-the school has its own magazine for that.

Again, I am sorry for the trouble that any students have caused you.

thanks

Kay, thanks for your words of support. The word "allegedly" is a problematic word. A neutral way of putting it is "she says ...." The New York Times covered my story a couple years ago, about the Jesuit perp being active in ministry and teaching when that was prohibited by a legal agreement. The Times never used the word "alleged" or "allegedly". The paper also talked to me and the Jesuits and reviewed the past papers. The Crusader never talked to me.

I think you are right that there is some institutional protection going on. Since the article completely left out the retaliation I experienced from the college, I think there is some institutional bias. But it could have been worse. Maybe it was just a lack of space and a quick edit to shorten it. That happens too.

Kate, your health is more important than anything else so please take care of yourself. I am sorry that all of this has happened to you, but as a victim of sexual abuse by a priest I am fully aware of how the authority of the church does it's best to protect sexual predators by demeaning his victims. You were assaulted. Using "Allegedly" protects the publication which, again, enables the predator. There are many survivors who support you in any way that they can. Know that. My name is Kay Goodnow, not "Anonymous."