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Be careful who your friends are

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Published: Friday, October 22, 2010

Updated: Thursday, October 21, 2010 21:10

   Friends, they are a huge part of life.  They are there for you when you encounter hard times, they are there to share in the countless good times of life, and they are there to get you riled up and have random arguments with. Friends, in a nutshell, are important players in anybody's social life. However, things aren't always great between friends. What happens when fun, random arguments turn into serious arguments? What happens when the actions of your friends makes you question the friendship? What happens when you need a shoulder to lean on, and nobody is there?

   One should be careful who their friends are. All too frequently, friends aren't what they seem. If I was asked, I would be able to recount several instances where I have felt betrayed, lied to, blown off, ditched, etc. Normally, I don't expect anything of my friends that I would not do myself. And yet, I continue to find myself at odds with some of my friends. Why is that the case? I've been told countless times that I am more mature than most of my friends. I believe that, but still, I believe there are certain things that somebody should and shouldn't do in a friendship.

   To me, there are several "red flags" that could make you aware of potential trouble. If a "friend" keeps blowing you off, you should take another look. Of course, there are reasons for that, such as somebody being sick, busy, or just out of it. We all have bad days. However, to me, plans are plans, and if they get changed there should be a good reason for it. Lying is another one. Yet the true challenge is figuring out whether you've been lied to or not. Usually it comes in the form of another friend spilling the beans. If you are down and feeling upset, it helps to have a friend to help you. Yet, some friends ignore you, so long as your problem is not theirs. A true friend would be there for you if you needed help or advice. Perhaps the worst problem among friends is ignoring somebody. Nobody likes to be ignored. I know somebody back home that has ignored every effort of me to contact them. That has forced me to believe that this person is not worth being around. That being said, "friends" that continuously ignore you, lie to you, and just forget about you should be re-assessed. Are those people REALLY worth being friends with? If they show no interest in you, why bother returning the favor? Of course, one can try being the "bigger man," but if a friend causes so much trouble, doubt, and frustration, let go of them. You will be much happier about it.

   That being said, the best friends are good listeners, loyal, and fun to be around.  I have had some good conversations with my roommate and other transfer students about old friends. Those are the types of people that you should focus on. I have not met a person at Holy Cross yet that would raise a "red flag." People should hang out with people that share mutual interests, as in, people that are pleasant to each other and willing to be around each other. It is a difficult situation to focus on people that make you miserable. Be careful who your friends are, because when the going gets tough, the true friends are the ones that are still there. If somebody ignores you or just lies to you, step back and look at the situation. They could be downgrading, or they don't know what it takes to be a true friend. Of course, we should try to fix things, but if the other party doesn't want to meet you, don't ever let them drag you down!


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